i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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