Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize