Apparently you make a good broom.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
