i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
