id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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