Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
