I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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