I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
