We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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