So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
