I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
