I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
