he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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