Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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