I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
