i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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