You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
