I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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