Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
