I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
