I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
