I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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