you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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