I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
