When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
