we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
