My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
