If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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