i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
