please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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