Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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