eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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