She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
