Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
