Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
