Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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