Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
