The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
