Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
