I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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