whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
