I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need water and some morals
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
