she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
