Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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