Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
