he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
