so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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