So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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