Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
