They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
