I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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