i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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